Text: Egan Addresses The DNC

Not widely reported by the mainstream media, Nebraska delegate Egan Foote addressed a nearly empty Pepsi Center at 4:03am local time Wednesday night / Thursday morning.    The following is the text from his speech:

Hello, eerrr… Egan here!  The FOOTE!

(Egan pauses, but only the sound made by the janitor collapsing folding chairs can be heard)

I am honored to be here tonight.   I want to thank all of the people who helped plan this wonderful Democratic Conviction.   And as I used to say in my short-lived stint as a trial lawyer, if the foote don’t fit, you must acquit! (prolonged cowbell sound).

Anyone (arms flapping), now, now, lets just  settle down, serious matters to discuss!  I am a proud American, and a proud Semi-cat!  Let’s take back our county!    Huzzah!

Now I know many of you are still bitter from a drawn out primary election, and to those of you who still stand by me – the FEET, as you are dubbed by Candy Crowley – who is a pig, I might add -I say to you… Take off your socks.   TAKE.  OFF.  YOUR.  SOCKS.   To keep the analogy, we’re done airing our dirty laundry.   It’s time we elected a real leader.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and pinky toes….we cannot afford 4 more years of a Reek Public Cat.  It’s time to elect one who has never walked under a ladder… Mr. Rock Obamo!  EGAN OUT.

(Tina Turner’s Simply the Best starts to play on a boombox sitting next to Egan)

Egan with his running mate,Catty Rios