Breaking: Egan Foote to Replace Isiah Thomas as General Manager and Head Coach of the New York Knicks?
The phone lines here at Hot Foote headquarters have been ringing off the hook with people purporting to have inside information on James Dolan’s plans to replace Isiah Thomas with Egan Foote as the head coach and General Manager of the New York Knicks. According to numerous sources, the information was leaked during a four hour performance of Dolan’s band, at which attendance was required of all Cablevision and Madison Square Garden employees.
“This next track is something I’ve been working on – I wrote it for new head coach and GM Egan Foote… I mean… uh… oh no, my dad’s going to kill me!… Dolan, out!” However, Dolan was not “out,” and instead came back on stage and read the following statement: “Mr. Thomas is and will continue to be the General Manager and head coach of the New York Knicks. My allusions to Egan Foote earlier were a slip of the tongue and should not be taken seriously… my father did not prepare this statement.”
But the rumors simply will not die. Insiders report that the Knicks are currently working on an exit package for Thomas and that as soon as it is finalized, Foote will be named the new GM and head coach. “No comment,” said the always enigmatic Foote when asked about the rumors on Portsmouth, New Hampshire’s WSAK morning show. “I have been advised to say nothing at this time.” When pressed further, however, Foote did provide a few hints on the team when he said “Lil’ Nate, yo, he can really sky!! Zach Randolph? More like Zach, Hand-off (the ball to someone else, because you stink). Malik Rose got game. Collins can ball. Is Allan Houston still on the team? I’m friends with David Lee’s uncle…”
Egan has dipped his Foote into the player side of the NBA, being selected as the top draft choice of the Portland Trailblazers, but this would be his first venture into coaching. Many thought Egan was done with the Knicks in 2005, the year he gave up his season tickets. But according to Egan, he always kept his finger on the pulse of the team. “I got a guy on the inside,” said Foote. “I won’t reveal my sources, but you could say his name rhymes with Bilal Sawford.” Foote then proceeded to sing the 1994 Knicks theme “Go New York, Go” by Jesse James.
While many are excited about the potential of a Foote-led Knicks team, others are skeptical. “Who the FAHK is Egan Foote?” asked Knicks forward Reynaldo Balkman. “Is he that guy who kept calling me Rolando Blackman?”
“I read that blog about Mr. Foote,” added Quentin Richardson. “He sounds like trouble.”
Good point, Q. But can it really get much worse than it already is?