Not widely reported by the mainstream media, Nebraska delegate Egan Foote addressed a nearly empty Pepsi Center at 4:03am local time Wednesday night / Thursday morning. The following is the text from his speech:
Hello, eerrr… Egan here! The FOOTE!
(Egan pauses, but only the sound made by the janitor collapsing folding chairs can be heard)
I am honored to be here tonight. I want to thank all of the people who helped plan this wonderful Democratic Conviction. And as I used to say in my short-lived stint as a trial lawyer, if the foote don’t fit, you must acquit! (prolonged cowbell sound).
Anyone (arms flapping), now, now, lets just settle down, serious matters to discuss! I am a proud American, and a proud Semi-cat! Let’s take back our county! Huzzah!
Now I know many of you are still bitter from a drawn out primary election, and to those of you who still stand by me – the FEET, as you are dubbed by Candy Crowley – who is a pig, I might add -I say to you… Take off your socks. TAKE. OFF. YOUR. SOCKS. To keep the analogy, we’re done airing our dirty laundry. It’s time we elected a real leader.
Ladies, Gentlemen, and pinky toes….we cannot afford 4 more years of a Reek Public Cat. It’s time to elect one who has never walked under a ladder… Mr. Rock Obamo! EGAN OUT.
(Tina Turner’s Simply the Best starts to play on a boombox sitting next to Egan)