Hot Foote

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AP: Egan Crosses Border Into Gaza

Realizing his “horrible miscalculation” and mumbling something about Google Maps, he turns around and goes back.

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Update: Sources in Hot Foote’s Gaza City office are reporting that Mr. Foote became lost after accidentally using a map appearing on a kids place mat he inadvertently picked up at a Bangor, Maine Applebees, which appears below. According to Applebees employees present at the time, the place mat was used as a bib by Mr. Foote, who apparently forgot to remove it before leaving the restaurant.

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January 9, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Breaking: Defiant Blagojevich Names Egan Foote as United States Senator

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The Associated Press is reporting that Egan Foote has been named as Barack Obama’s replacement to the United States Senate. Embattled Illinois Govornor Rod Blagojevich appeared with Mr. Foote at an impromtu press conference to make the surprise announcement following a 3-hour lunch with Mr. Foote at a neighborhood Denny’s. After making the announcement, Gov. Blagojevich ducked behind a curtain and avoided answering any questions from the media, but Mr. Foote stuck around to issue the following statement:

Ahh… Hello… members of the media, citizens of Illinois, and fellow patrons of this fine Peoria dining establishment. I am ahhhhh… Egan… FOOTE (HONK HONK!!!!! LIGHTS FLASHING ALL OVER THE RESTAURANT) and I am proud to be your next United States Spendator. Get it? That’s a joke because the Government is good for nothing but spendidng your money! (car alarm sound). Ahh. I am just kidding of course, good ole Eegs had to get the nerves out with a little humor! I am excited to serve the people, certainly more excited than Mohammed, who didn’t serve me my Western Burger sans the pickles like I had asked him to. Nevertheless, I cannot wait to start. And I have a message for you fellow Demo Hats. If any of you Ruffians (especially you, Hairy Bead) try to bar me, you will pay for this. I will knock your [EXPLETIVE] teeth out. Ya heard? SENATOR EGAN, OUT.

Developing…


January 9, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Flashback: September 3, 2005 – Egan Foote Declares “George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People” During Hurricane Katrina Telethon

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January 9, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment