Breaking: Defiant Blagojevich Names Egan Foote as United States Senator
The Associated Press is reporting that Egan Foote has been named as Barack Obama’s replacement to the United States Senate. Embattled Illinois Govornor Rod Blagojevich appeared with Mr. Foote at an impromtu press conference to make the surprise announcement following a 3-hour lunch with Mr. Foote at a neighborhood Denny’s. After making the announcement, Gov. Blagojevich ducked behind a curtain and avoided answering any questions from the media, but Mr. Foote stuck around to issue the following statement:
Ahh… Hello… members of the media, citizens of Illinois, and fellow patrons of this fine Peoria dining establishment. I am ahhhhh… Egan… FOOTE (HONK HONK!!!!! LIGHTS FLASHING ALL OVER THE RESTAURANT) and I am proud to be your next United States Spendator. Get it? That’s a joke because the Government is good for nothing but spendidng your money! (car alarm sound). Ahh. I am just kidding of course, good ole Eegs had to get the nerves out with a little humor! I am excited to serve the people, certainly more excited than Mohammed, who didn’t serve me my Western Burger sans the pickles like I had asked him to. Nevertheless, I cannot wait to start. And I have a message for you fellow Demo Hats. If any of you Ruffians (especially you, Hairy Bead) try to bar me, you will pay for this. I will knock your [EXPLETIVE] teeth out. Ya heard? SENATOR EGAN, OUT.
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