Egan Foote Releases Statement on Ergonomic Crisis
Hot Foote has exclusively received an advance copy of remarks Egan Foote is prepared to deliver at a press conference in front of the office supply company Staples’ Framingham, Massachusetts headquarters.
Mr. Foote’s remarks appear below:
Ummm, hello… uh… it is I, Egan Foote (wipes sweat from forehead). I am here today to discuss a matter that has been on everyone’s minds the last few months. That’s right: the ergonomic crisis. For too…uh… long, we have had to suffer the consequences of poor lumbar support. This is outrageous! (arms flapping). For too… uh… long, we have sat in seats poorly equipped to accommodate the curvature of the human spine. Well no longer! I am an insurance processor and I spend all day sitting in a chair. And let me tell you: I would sooner sit on the floor of a… uh… bank than sit in that chair one moment longer (and I have)!
That is why we are here today, in front of office supply retailer… ummm (looks at sign displayed behind him)… uh… Staples! We are here to tell them that we are mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore (wipes sweat from forehead). I know we are in the midst of an ergonomic crisis, but we cannot afford to bail out these chair manufacturers! Who is with me?!?
Repeat after me: one, two, three, four – we want adequate back support… five, six, seven, eight – I wish I was invertebrate!!