Egan Foote Impresses Senators on First Day of Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings
Washington, D.C. — Six weeks after being nominated by President Barack Obama to fill the vacancy left by retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter, Egan Foote appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee for his first day of confirmation hearings. Foote was an unexpected choice when President Obama first named him as his nominee, bringing to the table limited legal experience, a lengthy criminal record, and a complete lack of knowledge as to what the Supreme Court is. When first asked about the Court, Foote replied “I… uh… plead the Fifth on that one. That’s a real thing, right, pleading the fifth? I think I heard it said on the set of The Nine once.”
After a rough start to the hearing – Foote took a short nap during Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy’s opening remarks; suffered a large rip in his pants causing him to shout “my pantaloons!”; accidentally started a small fire in the Senate chambers; and took a cell phone call from close friend Scott “Scotty” Wolf – Foote patiently sat through the Committee members’ opening statements before moving on to questions. While most Senators were skeptical of Foote from the moment he was named as Barack Obama’s Supreme Court choice, legal experts believe Foote made significant progress in winning over many of the Senators who questioned his nomination. Republican Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa Twittered “Luv the Foote. Cn I vot yes rit now?” And when asked about his thoughts on Foote’s qualifications, Republican Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama replied “well he’s white, so that’s a start.”
Some other highlights from the hearing:
- When questioned by South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, Foote repeatedly replied to one of the Committee’s only two female members, Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar, apparently confused by Graham’s first name and, according to Foote, “lady voice.”
- When asked about his thoughts on a specific aspect of the penal code, Foote became irate and demanded that he and Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold “take this outside.”
- When pressed on his position on Roe v. Wade, Foote indicated his intention of performing a “150th trimester abortion” on his brother Eggbert.
- Foote listed his legal influences as being Judge Judy, Judge Reinhold, American Idol finalist Clay Aiken, and Supreme Court Justice Benjamin Cardozo.
- When asked about any possible biases Foote might bring to the court, Foote immediately answered, “bank robbers, I fucking hate bank robbers.”
Most analysts expect Foote to be confirmed to the United States Supreme Court by a wide margin.
No comments yet.