Breaking: Egan Foote’s Name Found on Jacob From Lost’s Cave Wall; Considered a “Candidate”
Pacific Ocean — Hot Foote has received the following photograph from long time reader Desmond, purporting to show that insurance processor Egan Foote is one of Jacob’s so-called “candidates.” The photograph, taken and submitted by Desmond using an iPhone he constructed out of a coconut and a Microsoft Zune that had washed up on shore, shows a cave wall containing the names of candidates to potentially replace Jacob, the mysterious island inhabitant known for inappropriately touching people.
“I was wandering around and came across this cave, brutha,” said Desmond. “I noticed a number of names I recognized – the older brother from Party of Five, that Korean guy who one day started speaking almost perfect English out of nowhere, the fat guy, Curley or something, that stole the ranch dressing that one time, etc. – when I saw a name I had seen several times before: Foote.”
Desmond decided to snap this picture and send it to the Hot Foote tip line, connecting his iPhone to the Dharma Initiative’s island-wide WiFi connection and correctly guessing their network password (“HurleysCheeseburger”).
However, Desmond’s detective work was not yet done.
“As a regular reader of Hot Foote, brutha, I knew that there are many Footes, brutha. Was it, in fact, our favorite insurance processor, Egan, brutha? Or is it referring to Eggbert, Egan’s brutha, brutha, who, according to island lore, spent time on the island and obtained his distinctive facial scars from a massive electromagnetic explosion, brutha? I decided to find out. I made my way to a lighthouse I had discovered, brutha, went to the top, brutha, and turned a wheel to the name ‘Foote’… brutha.”
“As it turned out, brutha, turning the wheel allows a person to view images from another individual’s life. After spending a few voyeuristic moments watching my love, Pinny, take a shower, I found myself looking at images of the insurance processor himself. The Foote in question was, in fact, oldest brother Egan! I have enclosed a picture from the lighthouse, brutha.”
At this time, Foote may or may not know that he is one of Jacob’s candidates, a situation that may prove awkward considering Foote’s long time friendship with another island inhabitant, the Smoke Monster.