Update: Hot Foote has exclusively obtained a copy of Kate Middleton’s sonogram.
Egan Foote Cancels Annual ‘Neighbor Day Party’ After Learning He Misunderstood The Words ‘Labor Day’
Boston, MA — Joining a long list of people calling on Mitt Romney to release his tax returns, Egan Foote piled on his old friend Romney, prodding the Republican nominee to release the returns “as soon as… uh… possible.” The comments came at a press conference called by Foote, an insurance processor and bank robbery survivor, outside of a Lenscrafters where Foote had just received his annual eye exam.
“Before I begin, I want to thank you for coming out to Lenscrafters for this important announcement. And I want to thank Dr. Neil Gupta for one of his best eye exams yet,” said Foote while trying on a pair of Dolce & Gabbana glasses. “Earlier today I learned that my old friend Mitt… uh… Romney has not yet released his tax returns. As it turns out, my friend Scott Wolf had told me this news several months back, but at the time I thought was saying he wanted his sax returned… since, of course, I had borrowed his saxophone and had not yet returned it.”
After wiping sweat from his forehead for several minutes, Foote continued that he returned the saxophone to Scott Wolf last week, but has continued to hear comments on returning the sax. After seeking clarification, Foote learned that he had not heard correctly and that the calls were for his old friend Mitt Romney to release his tax returns.
“When I learned that the Mittster had not released any of his tax returns, I was surprised,” said Foote. “Mitt and I share an accountant and I … uh… assumed he would want to show off how good he was at not paying taxes! Like that fake charity in Mauritius! That was brilliant!”
Report: New York Knicks Rumored To Be Considering Egan Foote to Replace Outgoing Coach Mike D’Antoni
New York, NY — According to sources inside Madison Square Garden, the New York Knicks are considering hiring Egan Foote as the team’s new head coach. The Knicks are scrambling to find a replacement for outgoing head coach Mike D’Antoni, and owner Jim Dolan is said to want to search in house for D’Antoni’s replacement. Dolan was overheard saying “Find the Foote,” which many insiders believe is in reference to the team’s insurance processor, Egan Foote.
When asked for comment, Dolan praised Foote’s processing skills, but claimed the team had not even begun to discuss possible replacements for D’Antoni. “Egan has processed our insurance for a long time. While Amare Stoudemire’s uninsurable knees have lightened Foote’s workload as of late, we consider him an extremely important member of the Madison Square Garden family. While I cannot say we are considering Egan, any team in this league would be lucky to have him as their head coach… or at least have him process some insurance for them. Oh, and the guy’s great on morning radio!”
Charleston, SC — Egan Foote sat and took some time to contemplate his vote in Saturday’s Republican Primary in South Carolina. Foote, who is actually a registered member of the Foote Party, a third party created by his brother Daniel in 1987, is taking advantage of South Carolina’s open primary process to cast a vote in today’s contest.
Today’s vote will be the third for Foote, who owns homes in both Des Moines, Iowa and Portsmouth, New Hampshire, where he has registered as a Republican to take part in both nominating contests. “I plan to vote in as many Republican Primaries as I can,” said Foote after being questioned leaving a showing of Adam Sandler’s ‘Jack and Jill’ at a Charleston theater. “My bank robbery settlement money has helped. I am currently buying homes in each and every state in the United States.”
When asked about the candidates, Foote remarked “I like what I’ve heard about Newt Gingrich. According to Newt Gingrich, that guy is really great. I didn’t know much about Santorum, so I recently Googled him. I, uh, liked what I saw. Even though we are old friends from childhood, I think Mitt Romney is a douchebag.”
A Hot Foote reader sent in the following photo taken early Thursday morning. The photo appears to show a murdered Egan Foote. Hot Foote is still trying to confirm the story, but Foote fans have already started holding candlelight vigils around the country in honor of the insurance processor.
Update: Hot Foote reader ‘MISM’ submitted the following photo of a candlelight vigil in Taiwan.
Update II: A Hot Foote reader sent in the following photo of Egan Foote on an Amtrak train to Richmond, Virginia, where he was scheduled to appear on a morning radio show.
Update III: Hot Foote has confirmed that Egan Foote is in fact alive and well. The photo appearing earlier turns out to be of Foote’s cousin, Evan Foote, who was apparently beaten by an Egan Foote fan after Evan claimed to be the “greatest living Foote”.
Wasilla, Alaska — Hot Foote editors received an advance copy of author Joe McGinniss’ upcoming book The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin. While the book is filled with juicy details about the reality TV star and half-term governor, including the revelation of a tryst with former NBA star Glen Rice, perhaps the most shocking revelation is of an alleged one-night stand with The Nine star and insurance processor Egan Foote.
According to reports, Palin picked up a hitchhiking Foote after Foote had been shot at from a helicopter filled with “hunters” mistaking him for a gray wolf.
In a GQ Magazine interview with Foote shortly after the incident, Foote indicated he had just finished an interview with the WJUN-AM Juneau morning show, The Morning Igloo with John “Moose” Walters, and was wearing a station t-shirt with the WJUN “The Wolf” logo on it. Shortly after walking out of the WJUN studios, Foote was shot at several times, one bullet striking him in the left calf. Foote then recounted limping for miles (with a brief stop at a local IHOP) before being picked up by Palin, who spotted the exhausted Foote with his thumb out.
Foote refused to provide any details after that, but McGinniss’ book includes interview with friends and family of Palin who confirmed a brief relationship between the two.
Update: An astute Hot Foote Reader wrote in to point out that there is a striking similarity between Palin’s youngest son, Trig, and Egan Foote. Decide for yourself!
Disclaimer: Hot Foote, Inc. is currently involved in litigation against Todd Palin for an Iditarod sponsorship breach of contract issue.
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is doing awesome!.
A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 9,200 times in 2010. That’s about 22 full 747s.
In 2010, there were 16 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 139 posts. There were 27 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 2mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.
The busiest day of the year was February 19th with 76 views. The most popular post that day was Breaking: Egan Foote Mugged for iPhone.
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were mariaozawa2u.blogspot.com, student-loan-consilidation.com, refinancing-home.student-loan-consilidation.com, studentloansinterest.org, and tips-tools-tutorials.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for iphone, john billingsley, the scream painting, happy birthday funny, and famous painting.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
Breaking: Egan Foote Mugged for iPhone July 2007
Happy Birthday to Egan Foote! May 2009
Egan Announces 1/4 Point Rate Cut November 2007
Foote Pens Open Letter to Portland June 2007
Egan Foote is in critical condition after an apparent attack in Albuquerque, New Mexico. According to sources, Foote was appearing on the KBOB morning zoo radio show and made a joke about the December 7, 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor. After station personnel cut the interview short after a barrage of angry phone calls, Foote was savagely attacked outside of the radio station’s studios. A tipster snapped the following photo on their Motorola Droid smartphone (which, despite unnecessarily mentioning the phone by name, is not a Hot Foote sponsor).
Update: Police are reporting that a suspect, Albuquerque resident James Stroyman, was arrested earlier today. When asked for a comment, Mr. Stroyman repeatedly muttered “too soon,” apparently in reference to the timing of Foote’s Pearl Harbor humor.
Breaking: Egan Foote Ousts Brother Daniel to Become President of the Foote Family Association of America
Ending brother Daniel’s six terms as President of the Foote Family Association of America, the longest tenure of any President in the organization’s history, Egan Foote became the new head of the FFAA after stunning members with a lopsided 20-point victory over brother Daniel. “I’m elated,” said Egan while spraying champagne on the crowd attending his victory party. “I put my best Foote forward – honk, honk! – and finally ended the tyrannical reign of my stupid brother Daniel!”
Not known for his follow-through, Egan mounted an impressive insurgent campaign, coordinating a behind-the-scenes campaign operation consisting mostly of members of the Foote clan who have never before been involved in FFAA politics, known affectionately by Egan as his so-called ‘Foote Soldiers.’ The Foote Soldiers spent the last year knocking on thousands of doors and regaling FFAA members with embarrassing stories and photographs of incumbent Daniel Foote. To say that Egan ran a negative campaign would be an understatement; he stayed away from discussing the issues, which, as Egan admits, “I don’t know shit about!” instead focusing on destroying his opponent, brother Daniel. A sampling of some of the photographs distributed to FFAA members appears below.
Daniel was quick to claim that the photographs were doctored, but the damage had been done. Despite overseeing the largest period of growth in FFAA history and being considered a master of the FFA budget, Egan’s negative campaigning was simply too effective. Daniel called Egan immediately following his victory, congratulating him and informing him that “mom says its your turn to take out the trash.”
As for his plans for office, President Foote said that details as to his agenda would come, but that his first order of business was to look into a merger with the Rios Family Association of (Latin) America, adding that he looked forward to working “long nights” with RFA(L)A President Franny Rios. “Hubba Hubba!” exclaimed Foote.
Foote: … and that is why Altavista search is better than Google.
DJ Fromunda: Compelling stuff, Egan. Even though I’m pretty sure Alta Vista is long gone, you did make an interesting case. So to all our listeners out there: if you are looking to search for images of Scott Wolf, Altavista is the place to go.
Foote: It’s Scotty Wolf, DJ Rotunda.
DJ Fromunda: That’s DJ Fromunda. Jeez! Anyway, moving on, I understand that you have taken a great interest in the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico?
Foote: Indeed I have. The moment images of birds covered in oil began to appear on the intertubes, I was so affected… I… uh… became… uh… obsessed with this atrocity.
DJ Fromunda: Indeed. I think I can speak for the entire morning zoo team when I say we were all moved by these images. [cowbell sound].
Foote: I get… uh… angry just thinking about it! Who the fuck do these animals think they are stealing OUR oil. OUR oil!!!
DJ Fromunda: Egan, I gotta interrupt you here. I’m not so sure we share the same feelings about why this oil spill is so bad…
Foote: Let me guess, Katunga, you are on the animals’ side? Well, if you love animals so much why don’t you marry them? [wipes sweat from forehead]
DJ Fromunda: Egan, I don’t think I’m in the minority here. I think a lot of people are upset for the same reason…
Foote: Did you see these animals? They are covered in oil. Covered. In. Oil! That’s not their oil, those greedy bastards.
DJ Fromunda: Uh, I think you are misundertanding…
Foote: We’ll be back after a word from our sponsors.
DJ Fromunder: That’s my li…
Foote: Fuck pelicans, fuck turtles, fuck YOU! Egan, out!
Pacific Ocean — Hot Foote has received the following photograph from long time reader Desmond, purporting to show that insurance processor Egan Foote is one of Jacob’s so-called “candidates.” The photograph, taken and submitted by Desmond using an iPhone he constructed out of a coconut and a Microsoft Zune that had washed up on shore, shows a cave wall containing the names of candidates to potentially replace Jacob, the mysterious island inhabitant known for inappropriately touching people.
“I was wandering around and came across this cave, brutha,” said Desmond. “I noticed a number of names I recognized – the older brother from Party of Five, that Korean guy who one day started speaking almost perfect English out of nowhere, the fat guy, Curley or something, that stole the ranch dressing that one time, etc. – when I saw a name I had seen several times before: Foote.”
Desmond decided to snap this picture and send it to the Hot Foote tip line, connecting his iPhone to the Dharma Initiative’s island-wide WiFi connection and correctly guessing their network password (“HurleysCheeseburger”).
However, Desmond’s detective work was not yet done.
“As a regular reader of Hot Foote, brutha, I knew that there are many Footes, brutha. Was it, in fact, our favorite insurance processor, Egan, brutha? Or is it referring to Eggbert, Egan’s brutha, brutha, who, according to island lore, spent time on the island and obtained his distinctive facial scars from a massive electromagnetic explosion, brutha? I decided to find out. I made my way to a lighthouse I had discovered, brutha, went to the top, brutha, and turned a wheel to the name ‘Foote’… brutha.”
“As it turned out, brutha, turning the wheel allows a person to view images from another individual’s life. After spending a few voyeuristic moments watching my love, Pinny, take a shower, I found myself looking at images of the insurance processor himself. The Foote in question was, in fact, oldest brother Egan! I have enclosed a picture from the lighthouse, brutha.”
At this time, Foote may or may not know that he is one of Jacob’s candidates, a situation that may prove awkward considering Foote’s long time friendship with another island inhabitant, the Smoke Monster.
Sent in by loyal Hot Foote reader GMacnamara1987@aol.com from Syracuse, NY….
*** SPOILER ALERT: If you plan to watch the Cornell v. Kentucky basketball game on CBS tonight, do not read any further. While CBS claims to air live games, that is actually not the case and we already know the outcome of tonight’s matchup.
To: Editors at Hot Foote
Subject: Cornell v. Kentucky
Cornell was moments away from shocking the world against top-ranked Kentucky, leading by 1 with 3 seconds to go. After a miss by Kentucky guard Eric Bledsoe, 7-foot Big Red center Jeff Foote grabbed the rebound with 3.2 seconds left on the clock. Inexplicably, his 5th cousin once removed – Egan Foote – ripped the ball out of his hands and laid it up into his own goal as time expired. A stunned crowd sat in silence for 45 minutes before organizing a mass suicide into Ithaca’s famed Gorges.
Cornell did not publish media guides for the 2009-2010 season so I don’t know much about him as a basketball player, but man did Egan screw this one up royally.
PS: You guys still want to hit up the Red Lobster off Route 79 on Sunday?
PPS: I was able to snap this picture with my Motorola Razr.
Oh eegs. You have really done it again.
*UPDATE* – Apparently Egan is not on the Cornell Basketball team. Reserve forward Mark Coury was found hog tied in the locker room with his jersey missing. Senior guard Louis Dale seemed to suggest that Egan sabotaged his cousin Jeff intentionally as retribution for a 1986 incident involving the destruction of Egan’s lego creations and damages to his beloved Voltron figurine.
As Hot Foote previously reported, writer Horton Foote was honored at Sunday night’s Academy Awards ceremony during a tribute to people who had died during the preceding year. Foote received a heartwarming round of applause when appearing on the screen. While Foote is well-known for his writing, his true claim to fame is fathering the infamous (and ever-growing) Foote brothers, Egan, Eggbert and Daniel (picture below).
When the Academy decided to honor Horton, it invited his eldest son, Egan, to the Oscar ceremony. We had the opportunity to interview Mr. Foote on the red carpet. A portion of that interview appears below.
Egan Foote: J Lo! J Lo! It’s me, Egan Foote. Remember the Bahamas? J Lo! J…
Hot Foote: Mr. Foote, sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to see if you could give me a few minutes…
Egan Foote: You’re from that tabloid site Hot Foote, aren’t you? You guys have… uh… published many fabrications about me over the years! (Wipes sweat from forehead). For example, I was mugged for my Reebok Pumps, not my Air Jordans!
Hot Foote: We verify every story we publish, Mr. Foote. Besides, if you have such a problem with our site, why have you contributed to it on many occasions?
Egan Foote: Ah, you see, I … uh… thought I was contributing to Cat Fancy Magazine’s world wide web site.
Hot Foote: I see. So, you are here to honor your late father, Horton Foote.
Egan Foote: Indeed I am. My father was a brilliant writer. If only he could have written Eggbert’s genetic code to make him not such a fucking douchebag! HONK HONK!
Hot Foote: Well, nobody’s perfect.
Egan Foote: I beg to differ. Have you met Franny Rios? Hubba hubba!
Hot Foote: In fact I have. I actually started as an intern in the Franny Rios division of Hot Foote. But I digress. Is this your first time at the Academy Awards?
Egan Foote: No. First time I was… uh… invited, though. You may remember one of my previous appearances, however. Do you remember the Academy Awards streaker?
Hot Foote: That was you?
Egan Foote: Indeeed it… uh… was. Check out this picture.
Egan Foote: Ummm, yes. Honk Honk!
… at tonight’s Academy Awards.
In sad news, former Labour party leader Michael Foot has died at the age of 96. No, he is not another Foote brother, but rather Britain’s Labor party leader between 1980 and 1983. Insurance processor Egan Foote was informed of the news while appearing on Detroit, Michigan’s WDVD radio. The following is a transcript of that appearance:
DJ Danger Dylan: It sure sounds like it!
DJ Loco Larry: Sorry to interrupt you there, Danger [cowbell sound rings repeatedly], but we are getting some breaking news over the wire that former British Labour party leader Michael Foot has passed away.
DJ Danger Dylan: Sad news, Larry [plays toilet flushing sound]. Sad news!
Foote: Umm… you, uh, mind if I interject here? I’d like to make a statement from… uh… one Foote to another…
DJ Danger Dylan: Foote to Foote, I like that [plays airhorn]!
Foote: Thank you, Mr. Ranger. I do not know former Labour party leader Michael Foot… but… uh… I also did not know my brother Daniel! Or my brother John, so I am by no means a foot expert! Perhaps I need to study up on my podiatry! HONK HONK!!!!! So, on behalf of Michael’s family, I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of love and support we have…
DJ Loco Larry: [interrupts with buzzer sound] Whoa whoa, Egan. I don’t think you are related to this guy. As you have reminded me repeatedly, you spell Foote with an E…
Foote: That I do…
DJ Loco Larry: … but there is no E in Michael’s last name.
Egan: Hmmm, are you, uh, sure you are reading that right? Remember, the E is silent so you may have missed it.
DJ Loco Larry: The headline is “Former Labour leader Michael Foot dies.”
Foote: A-ha!! But look – this article is… ummm (wipes sweat from forehead)… riddled with spelling errors. They spell Labor with a U… a U!!! On that note, please let me continue.
DJ Danger Dylan: Whatever you say, Egan [sound of tiger growling plays]
Foote: Thank you. So, as I was saying, we are touched by the outpouring of support the Foote family has received after our loss. Foote by Foote, Step by Step. Egan knows where Egan goes. Find the Foote! (and tell it to rest in peace). Egan, out!
DJ Loco Larry: We’ll be right back after this commercial break.
Little known ice dancing tandem Foote-Rios has just shocked the world by taking olympic gold in Ice Dancing at the Vancouver games. A stunned crowd looked on as the “Nine (minus Seven)” duo – a self-given name which was glued to their leotards in bright purple sequins – put on the Ice Dance of a lifetime and snatched the gold from favored countrymen Nita Belbin and Ben Agosto.
A heaving and sweat-drenched Foote challenged that notion immediately in the post-competition interview.
“Ah, I… uhh… (honk)… I don’t really see how you can say such a thing! I am the only American in my group. I mean, uhh, just look at Franny. Miami? Maybe. I get that, I guess. But a cursory Askjeeves.com search will show you just how Cuban she really…. [voice tails off as Ice Dancing organizers seize the mic from Foote]“
Belbin and Agosto, along with the competitors from eight other nations, immediately filed suit to have the results nullified.
When reached for comment, Foote questioned the pair’s motives.
“Uhhh…. ahhh… (HONK!!!!!!)…. wait a second. We’re supposed to believe that someone named “NITA” is an American? Ok, good laugh. You’re killin’ ole Egan! She’s part of the Communist Red…. [voice trails off as Ice Dancing organizers realize Foote had removed the sock placed in his mouth earlier and attempt to cover him up once more]”
The Ice Dancing fiasco has once again underscored numerous logistical shortcomings with the Vancouver Games.
Hot Foote had previously exclusively reported on the discovery of insurance processor Egan Foote’s estranged brother Eggbert Foote, who was released from a Russian holding cell in October of 2007. We later exclusively uncovered the existence of another unknown Foote brother, Daniel Foote, who, before Hot Foote’s discovery, had been unknown to brothers Egan and Eggbert. The three brothers were reunited when father Horton Foote tragically passed away in March of 2009, at which time Hot Foote concluded that there were no more Foote brothers, resulting in the closing of Hot Foote’s Geneology Division.
However, recent information has come to light that reveals there may have been two additional Foote brothers that were previously unknown. Earlier this month, Hot Foote received an anonymous tip that there was in fact a fourth Foote brother, who was deceased. And now, one of Hot Foote’s loyal readers, submitted the following photograph of a Mr. John Foote.
Rumors have swirled for years about a reclusive Foote brother named John, but such rumors have remained unverified.
Mother Foote has no comment when contacted about this story.
We will continue to update this story as more information becomes available…
Update: A brave Hot Foote reader decided to approach the home of John Foote and was able to snap the following picture, which is the only known picture in existence purporting to show the face of the reclusive John Foote. As you can see, the Hot Foote reader had to quickly run after being greeted by Mr. Foote with a gun.
A month after a January 2010 incident aboard a United Airways flight in which insurance Processor Egan Foote was brutally beaten by passengers and later questioned by the Transportation Safety Administration after his underwear caught fire, a heavily redacted new report released by US intelligence officials reveals that Foote underwent intense waterboarding during his multiple hours of questioning by the TSA. A picture from the report accompanies this article.
When asked about the incident, Foote replied, “I… uh… thought they were… uh… just trying to put out the fire still raging in my underpants. What is waterboarding?” After being informed of the practice, most recently used on suspected terrorists, Foote shouted “I am not a terrier! I am a man! Plus, I’m a cat lover! Egan, out!
Insurance Processor Egan Foote was recently spotted hanging out with childhood friend the Smoke Monster from the ABC series Lost. According to Foote, he and the Smoke Monster go way back. “I have not seen my old friend since we, uh, ate the pilot of Oceanic flight 815,” said Foote. “It’s been fun catching up. You know, he was actually the one that got me into insurance processing in the first place. Anyway, gotta go. The Smoke Monster told me he would help me chase down my bastard brother Eggbert and slam that piece of shit into the trees and ground.”
A Hot Foote source aboard a United Air flight from Austin, Texas to Denver, Colorado submitted the following photograph of insurance processor Egan Foote being brutally beaten by passengers after his underwear caught aflame early this morning. Authorities are still trying to figure out how Mr. Foote’s undergarments caught fire, but sources close to Hot Foote (who have asked to remain anonymous discussing a sensitive national security matter) have hinted that officials are ruling out terrorism.
When asked for comment, Foote declared “I’m… uh… innocent! Order in the court! Can someone please get me some Gold Bond medicate powder? My balls are on fire!”
Passengers have been on edge since the failed Christmas Day attack by Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, the s0-called “Underwear Bomber,” who attempted to detonate explosives he had smuggled on the plane in his underwear.
“Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab?” said Mr. Foote when questioned by reporters outside of Denver International Airport. “There was an Umar Farouk Abdul Moskowitz in my college fraternity [Lambda Lambda Lambda], but I have never met Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab! I know Eggbert is somehow behind this!”
Foote was released after questioning by Transportation Safety Administration officials. His underwear was sent to FBI headquarters in Washington, DC for testing.
Hot Foote has exclusively learned that insurance processor Egan Foote crashed a White House State Dinner in November of 2009. The below picture, submitted by a long time Hot Foote reader and White House photographer (who has asked to remain anonymous discussing a sensitive security matter), shows Foote, a mysterious blonde woman and Vice President Joe Biden. When asked for comment, Foote directed us to his attorney, brother Daniel Foote, who claimed that Egan was supposed to be on the guest list as a guest of Bo Obama. Secret Service officials declined to comment.
When Foote learned that he was not, in fact, on the guest list and that Bo Obama does not have any power to extend invitations to White House functions, Foote responded “we’ll see about that,” pulled out a Blackberry and claimed to send Bo Obama a text message.
This is not the first time that Mr. Foote crashed an event to which he was not invited, as Mr. Foote was spotted in the buffet line of a wedding to which he received no invitation, while Foote’s DNA crashed a container of ranch dressing.
Update: Hot Foote has obtained the following video of an inebriated Foote disrupting President Obama’s speech to dance and take shots of whiskey.
Hot Foote Exclusive: Egan Foote Arrested for Lewd and Lascivious Conduct at Make A Wish Foundation Benefit
Hot foote has exclusively learned that Egan Foote was arrested over the weekend after receiving fellatio on stage at an event meant to benefit the Make a Wish Foundation. Foote was attending the event as the guest of a sick young boy named Billy Stroyman, whose wish was to spend a night hanging out with Mr. Foote. However, Billy may want to ask for a refund on that wish. Shortly after arriving, Foote began consuming large quantities of alcohol and, according to witnesses, stormed up to the stage, knocking over several wheel chairs on his way. Foote then grabbed a microphone and stated, “I have a wish: why don’t one of you BLOW ME!” After a few moments of stunned silence, a young woman walked up to Mr. Foote and proceeded to perform fellatio on the insurance processor. The exclusive pictures that follow were submitted to Hot Foote by long time reader geecees.
Foote and the unnamed woman were finally removed from the stage and taken to the local police precinct.
Too bad for Egan Foote that George W. Bush is not President any more. The insurance processor, who has a history of run-ins with the law, was given a blanket pardon by the 43rd President earlier this year for acts both “known and unknown.” However, while the pardon may have cleared Foote of his past criminal record, the pardon did not cover acts perpetrated after the pardon. And as Hot Foote readers know, that list is already long and growing. Foote’s record since the pardon includes:
- Making numerous threats against a Nintendo customer service agent
- Briefly joining up with the Somali pirates
- Participating in the Iranian election protests
- Causing a riot at a West Philadelphia nursing home
- Disrupting President Obama’s address to a joint session of Congress
- Disorderly Conduct at Cat Fancy Magazine’s annual Awards Show
And now we can add lewd and lascivious conduct to the list.
Update I: Several Hot Foote readers have written in with their pictures from the event. If you were there and have any information and/or pictures or video, please contact Hot Foote.
Update II: The New York Times has picked up on this developing story…
Update III: A Hot Foote reader submitted the following pictures of Foote returning the favor to another member of the audience…
Update IV: More photos…
Egan Foote Fails to Win Third Cat Owner Of The Year Award, Disrupts Cat Fancy Magazine Awards Ceremony
After becoming the first person to win Cat Fancy Magazine’s coveted Cat Owner Of The Year Award (the COOTY) two years in a row – nabbing the award in both 2007 and, under a cloud of controversy, in 2008 – insurance processor Egan Foote was arrested for disrupting the 2009 award ceremony after failing to win this year’s honor. The ceremony, held at Cat Fancy Arena in Tulsa, Oklahoma, is the event for cat enthusiasts around the world, bringing together the top names in the feline world.
The event was set to honor 2009’s winner, Foote’s brother Eggbert Foote, and present lifetime achievement awards to singer Cat Stevens, the mayor of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, the talking cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and Keenan Thompson. However, just as Cat Fancy reached the point in the program where it was to begin honoring those cats who had passed away during the preceding year, an intoxicated Egan Foote stormed the stage with an unidentified woman, speaking unintelligibly while drinking whiskey straight from a bottle and sporting a t-shirt that read: “Silence = Death. It is the purrrfect time to end Feline AIDS!”
While many in attendance seemed pleased at first (speaking to the popularity of Mr. Foote in the cat community), security eventually detained Mr. Foote and handed him over to the police.
Update: Hot Foote has obtained exclusive video of the incident at the Cat Fancy Magazine Awards, shot on his camera phone by longtime Hot Foote reader kriegos, who was in attendance at the time of the incident.
Don’t believe us? Just check out these headlines…
Someone at Gawker Media needs to update their stock foote-age, as any Hot Foote reader would know that the above is not Egan Foote. Mr. Foote appears below.
Breaking News: Egan Foote Identified As Man Who Yelled “You Lie!” During President Obama’s Speech Before Joint Session of Congress
While the country is mourning the loss of Senator Edward Kennedy, the man commonly referred to as the “Lion of the Senate,” Egan Foote was asked about his thoughts on Worcester, Massachusetts’ WXLO morning radio show. A transcript of Foote’s appearance appears below.
Foote: … and that’s why I agree with the decision to release the Lockerbie bomber.
DJ Kool Ken: Very interesting, Egan. You’ve given our audience a lot to ponder. Now I’d like to move on to health care reform. A bill currently… I’m sorry, we just received some breaking news that our very own Senator Ted Kennedy has passed away after his fight with brain cancer. Mr. Foote, any thoughts on this shocking news?
Foote: Well… uh… I don’t want to be insensitive, but Mr. Kennedy was probably asking for it when he brought a lion into the Senate. Lions are wild animals. I know Mr. Kennedy is a tough man, but no man can defend himself against a wild lion…
DJ Kool Ken: Let me just interrupt you there. He didn’t bring a lion into the Senate, that is actually just…
Foote: Let me interrupt YOU there. Was this a trained lion?
DJ Kool Ken: Egan, just listen for a moment. He is often referred to as the “Lion of the Senate.”
Foote: Feel free to defend Ted Kennedy’s animal cruelty all you… uh… want, but I will not sit here and be a part of this! I am an animal lover. Were you aware that I was Cat Fancy Magazine’s Cat Owner Of The Year? That’s right, I got the COOTY! Now listen, Ted Kennedy has been a close friend of mine for decades, but I simply cannot stand for what he did to that poor poor lion. Egan, out!
DJ Kool: Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Kennedy family. We’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors.